What is Self Love?

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. As you exhale, imagine being enveloped by the unconditional love and acceptance of the universe. Now open your eyes and visualize the source of the love and acceptance you just imagined arising from within...

Self-love is a powerful force that has the ability to transform our lives from the inside out. It is a journey of discovering, embracing and appreciating our true self. This journey can be challenging at times, but it is also incredibly liberating. When we recognize and accept our unique qualities as they are, including our faults and flaws, we realize that the love at our core is the same love that flows throughout all existence. And as we remove the barriers we have built against it, we open ourselves to the infinite potential of love in every aspect... 

In this article, we explore the meaning of self-love and what sacred values it can bestow on our lives...

What is Self-Love?

Rumi has a valuable saying: “We are the children of love; love is our mother”. 

Behind this statement lies a tremendous depth...

We believe we open our eyes to the world with a completely pure, loving self. The early stages of our lives involve an approach of undiscriminating interest and unconditional love for everything we see, for every soul we meet. And we innately and intuitively know that we deserve to receive love as well as give it. We feel deeply that there is value in just breathing, in simply existing. Being present also requires no special effort in childhood. It comes naturally and spontaneously to recognize our self and our experiences as they are and to express them in the way that comes from our essence. Life is just a shared stage of a loving and joyful play...

As we grow up, we begin to learn and experience things that we used to see in adults but could not make sense of. Human words like responsibility, shame, first place, inadequacy gently penetrate our minds. It brings with it feelings of fear, anxiety, self-doubt. The value of being alive becomes insufficient and begins to be suppressed by an ambition for perfection shaped by comparative achievements. The “lessons” of life take precedence over the “game” of life. Thus our cognitive being is conditioned to focus more on our negative experiences and emotions than on our achievements and abilities. Gradually, feelings such as love, happiness, peace, etc. become illusions of “goals” that seem far away from us and for which we must strive. Our true self gradually begins to fracture under internal and external influences and becomes a conflict zone full of dilemmas...

‘Self-love’ is the name of resolving all these conflicts and reconnecting with the true love that lies deep within and expressing this love to ourselves. 

Considering the obstacles we consciously and unconsciously place in front of self-love in our flow, it would be unrealistic to say that we can attain it instantly or easily as if we were blessed with a magic wand. For the immanent manifestation of love only happens when we give ourselves the chance to align with all aspects of ourselves - physical, cognitive and spiritual - and learn to accept and appreciate who we are with kindness. It takes a great wealth of experience for this immanence to translate into action and eventually into habit.

Self-love is therefore a journey of self-discovery and growth that requires courage, patience and perseverance and can be characterized differently based on the uniqueness of each of us. On this journey, our self is accompanied by powerful and somewhat ‘challenging’ companions like acceptance, esteem and compassion...

Self-esteem is about evaluating ourselves according to our own feelings and thoughts, not to external variables, positive or negative. Yes, we are undeniably in an inseparable connection with other individuals by nature, but the main thing is not to confuse this interconnection with the perception of dependency... For example, praise for our achievements may support our respect for ourselves, but it is not the praise that “defines” our worth. Self-esteem is when we trust ourselves even when we don't receive these accolades and believe that we deserve love and respect despite our faults. When we have self-esteem, we stop taking others' opinions or twists of fate personally and stop judging ourselves accordingly.

Self-acceptance is the ability to recognize and embrace our strengths and weaknesses and to appreciate ourselves for who we are without judgment. It means recognizing that we are not perfect, but that we still deserve love and respect. We know that our self is a collection of feelings and experiences that render us unique. It is not only our talents and achievements that make us who we are, but also our pains, flaws and mistakes... And failure is always a better teacher than success. Only in the unique beauty of our darkness can our creative power awaken and our unique inner strength be nurtured. In this sense, self-acceptance is an unconditional embrace of our sufficiency and individuality. 

Self-compassion refers to the ability to show ourselves the same kindness, empathy and understanding that we show our loved ones, especially when going through difficult times or emotional pain. And to recognize that all these emotions are a common part of humanity as well as to be aware of the pain and difficulties we are feeling at that moment and our attitudes and behaviors towards ourselves in the face of them. Self-compassion allows us to see and accept things as they are, and to approach them with deep sympathy and forgiveness instead of aggressive attitudes, and to tap into the healing power within.

So why are the approaches of respect, acceptance and compassion towards the self “challenging”? 

Because these are really deep realms and require a great balance in our true self. Being in balance depends on the free flow of our life energy, which gives function to our body-mind-spirit aspects, throughout our whole self, which requires that our chakra centers are harmonious, open and at a high frequency... For example, our heart chakra is deeply related to love, compassion and self-acceptance. Therefore, it is only possible for us to show acceptance and compassion to ourselves as we are and to get closer to the love in our essence if this chakra and several other chakras work in balance. Likewise, only if our root chakra, which is considered the foundation of self-esteem as it governs our feelings of trust and stability, is open and strong, we can move away from self-judgment and self-doubt and feel safe, brave and ‘grounded’. 

It may not always be possible to keep these chakras functional and our life energy in a balanced flow. After all, the universal flow and the life story of each of us is a river of energy with different variables at every step... It takes time and attention to nourish our chakras and achieve a sense of balance and harmony in the face of these variables. That is why each aspect of self-love is a parallel adventure that needs to be nurtured as much as self-love itself, that is, to be realized through experiences...

What Benefits Can We Achieve on Our Self-Love Journey?

Self-love is the combination and highest manifestation of all our transformative feelings such as acceptance, respect, trust, compassion, value, forgiveness, gratitude. Therefore, we are likely to experience many benefits that can contribute to our lives during this journey...

• Like any journey, the journey of self-love has a purpose. Why is it important for us to take this journey? The answer may vary according to our authentic selves, as we each experience the world in our own unique ways. But asking this question can be the first step towards turning inward... This way, our priority begins to shift away from the things that exclude us and towards getting closer to our true selves. 
• The step we take to return to our essence opens the door for us to observe who we are and recognize the “version” of ourselves in the present moment. This acquaintance brings us closer to self-awareness and makes it possible to objectively perceive our experiences in the moment and how these experiences are reflected in our feelings and thoughts.
• There will always be surprises in our journey that challenge us from within and without. However, if we see things as they are and do not deviate from our purpose, we can realize that our struggles and difficulties are also an important part of this journey. Instead of getting caught up in the destructive aspects of these surprises and blaming life or our self, we can allow our creative power to unfold and rise back up, focusing on solutions with a higher sense of courage. 
• Our process also reinforces our ability to forgive. Forgiveness, no matter who it is directed at, is the liberation of the self from conflicts... If we want to balance our being and grow on the path of self-love, we must first know how to forgive ourselves with all our flaws and mistakes by accepting the aspects we had denied within ourselves as they are. When we can say “I forgive”, we allow our inner terrain of love and compassion to expand.
• Moving towards our true selves also helps us to detach from the ego's expectations tied to external voices. Being conscious of our abilities and imperfections gives us the space to remain stable in the face of both criticism and praise. We begin to realize that unrealistic criteria of perfection are not in line with our unique identity, that we are “enough” as we are, and that we deserve love and respect.
• The more we develop our ability to forgive and our sense of competence, the more our self-compassion is nurtured. This allows us to set healthy boundaries around ourselves and express who we are internally and externally with compassion, with the awareness of when and to what we say “yes” or “no”. Rather than punishing our self for their mistakes, we begin to learn to be grateful for the learning experience these mistakes carry.
• Our flourishing positive feelings enable us to be more patient, forgiving and understanding not only with ourselves but also with others. Indeed, much of what we receive from the outside world is a mirror of what we offer to it. So if our attitude changes from negative to positive, it creates a resonant wave around us, creating a greater sense of compassion and unity. 
• Ultimately, the closer we draw to self-love, the more open we become to attracting and giving love in all its forms. Love, like our chakras, is a process that is in constant cyclical flow when healthy.  This interaction, nourishing each other in the continuum of spiritual growth, supports us to connect more deeply with the entire universal being and to feel fulfilled. This is the basis for achieving a healthy life in alignment with our essence.

We should also remember that the above and many more benefits on the path of self-love are not always linear or predictable, and that our journey can be a lifelong process... But our dedication to this journey can open the way for us to embrace a healthier, more loving and harmonious life, both for our own self and for all existence.

As the Buddha said, “You, yourself, deserve your love and compassion as much as anyone else in the universe.”

May the unique love within you flow unconditionally into all aspects of your self...